When You Go White…

One of the biggest hoaxes perpetrated on Western men in Vietnam is the idea that we are better lovers and boyfriend material when compared to local men.

While it is true that Western men get a sizable boost on their perceived looks, status and wealth when coming to Vietnam, it’s a far cry from making the blanket statement that local women are more attracted to us as a race. The fact is Asian men get just as much quality pussy – if not more.

Still, many people easily buy into the myth of Western superiority. It’s a honest mistake though, especially if you’re new to Saigon or if you seldom venture out of the usual expat spots.

When I first came here, many Westerners told me how easy I would get laid, how they couldn’t find enough time in the day to screw them all, and how local men could only watch and cry while big-dicked foreign gods plowed their sisters by the dozen. One French pilot told me basically any Vietnamese woman would say OUI if I tried hard enough, which almost sounded like the confession of a rapist. Turns out they were missing the big picture.

I also heard it from what I thought was the horse’s mouth. Many Vietnamese women described their fellow countrymen as mean, unfaithful, violent beasts, and Western men like myself as much nicer with a “big heart”. Turns out they were speaking only for themselves.

Fellow expat blogger David Bond attributes what he calls the “myth of the White man in Asia” to a combination of being fucked by the minority of Foreigner Chasers who roam the downtown nightlife, and being stared at on the street by the majority of local women who are curious about us just because we look different, not because they want to fuck us. To the untrained eye with a big ego, it’s easy to conflate these different signals into one big sexual attention fest, and to think we’re rockstars around here.

Definitely not helping is the propaganda of the aforementioned Foreigner Chaser minority, who has a vested interest in perpetuating the myth. The more they make us feel special, the less we ask questions. Everybody wins.

When confined to expat spots and stuck with the English language, we meet mostly women who want to meet foreigners, or else they wouldn’t be there. They’re not lying about preferring us; they’re just not fully honest about their motivations. Some are genuinely fed up with local men who treated them poorly (domestic abuse is extremely real in Vietnam). Many are simply not good enough for them (dark-skinned, over 25, single mom, ““fat””). Others are looking for men they can better control – and they found the perfect targets in Western men.

We might not be better lovers, but we’re far better suckers.

For starters most of us don’t speak Vietnamese, which gives the girls a pretty big advantage when 99% of the population can’t speak any useful English. We need their help for basically any interaction with the world outside the expat bubble. We are subdued by the tongue.

Even if we do speak the language, we’ll never fully get the culture, and there’s a whole lot going on in any social situation that we’re completely oblivious about. I’m sure Vietnamese guys are just as bad as us when it comes to understanding women, but they have a much clearer idea of what the fuck is going on at any given moment.

Then there’s our post-feminism upbringing. Younger men in particular have been subjected to so much man-shaming that they’re now afraid to express their masculinity by fear of being “toxic”. A few years in Vietnam will alleviate some of that as we get used to sit on our asses and have our meals cooked, our floors cleaned and our socks ironed on a daily basis. But we’ll always keep at the back of our minds some of the guilt imposed on us by the feminine-primary social order. We’re simply softer than the local guys on average. Girls tend to notice and exploit that weakness. I’m not saying we should act like cavemen, but some of us could use growing a pair.

In any case, Western men basically form the second-hand market, where women fall back when disgruntled or rejected by local men. There’s a few new items on the shelves, but they’re the exceptions that confirm the rule.

A truly beautiful woman by Vietnamese standards (white skin, under 25, high nose, V-line) wouldn’t be caught dead romancing with a Western man, however handsome, fun and generous he might be. First she’ll go for a member of the ever-growing class of local super-rich boys. She could deign to consider a Việt Kiều if he has the spending power to match. As for you my white friend, you might catch her 10 years down the line, and that’s only if she didn’t play her cards right. By then she’ll have exhausted all Vietnamese options and started claiming the extended warranty on her sexual prime, thanks to Western men who are more tolerant of wrinkles and kids. She’ll still look good by then – just keep in mind you’ll be her consolation prize.

We can always take solace in the fact that we do have more sexual opportunities in Vietnam than in the West. It’s just not because they think we’re hotter. It’s because they are much more active than their Western sisters in the Beta side of hypergamy. Securing long-term provisioning is not that of a priority in the West where women are much more independent financially, and much less pressurized to settle down with men. Vietnamese women just need men more. Any kind of man – not necessarily Western.

Pictured: Two Vietnamese women who are not for you.